What Wedgie Should I Sleep: In Quiz
Disclaimer: This article is satire. Do not actually seek medical advice from a wedgie quiz. If you feel numbness, tingling, or genuine pain, please wear loose-fitting pajamas like a normal human.
Wear 100% cotton. Synthetics will give you a friction burn. Cotton breathes, even when it’s actively trying to become a permanent part of your anatomy. 2. The Sidewinder Snuggle (For the Side Sleeper) The Vibe: You want a wedgie, but you also want to wake up friends with the world. You’re a balance seeker. what wedgie should i sleep in quiz
Back sleepers have gravity working against them. Normal wedgies slide down. The Reverse Wedgie uses your own body weight to lock the fabric in place. It feels wrong for the first 15 minutes, but by hour four, you’ll have achieved a state of wedgie zen. Disclaimer: This article is satire
Side sleeping creates a natural valley at your waist. A full wedgie will migrate to the wrong spot and wake you up at 3 AM with a new understanding of regret. The Sidewinder gives you the sensory feedback of a wedgie without the commitment. It’s the situationship of underwear adjustments. Wear 100% cotton
Wear whatever is clean. It could be a thong. It could be your partner’s boxers. It could be that weird swimsuit bottom from 2019. You will toss and turn so violently throughout the night that every type of wedgie—atomic, whale tail, frontal, diagonal, and theoretical—will occur within a single REM cycle.
We’ve all been there. You’ve had a long day. You’re freshly showered. You’re standing in front of your underwear drawer in nothing but a towel, staring blankly at the fabric options. But tonight isn't about comfort. Tonight is about commitment.
