My Wild Raunchy: Son

This is the reality. They don’t have a "public" brain and a "private" brain. They have one brain, and it is currently playing an endless loop of South Park and whatever YouTube algorithm has decided will ruin my day. I am not a perfect parent. I have yelled. I have taken away the PlayStation. I have cried in the car after dropping him off at school. But after six years of navigating this jungle, I have found three strategies that actually work for managing a wild, raunchy son. 1. The "Code Switch" Rule Home can be a little loose. I accept that teenagers swear. But I teach the concept of code switching . You speak to your grandmother one way. You speak on a job interview another way. You speak in the group chat like a feral animal—I don't want to see it.

My wild, raunchy son looked up from his chicken tenders and said, "Nah, girls are too much drama. I just use the internet." my wild raunchy son

So, take a deep breath. Lock the liquor cabinet if you have to. And remember: Every man you know—your husband, your dad, the Pope—was once someone's wild, raunchy son. This is the reality

Until then, I will keep taking your phone at 9 PM. I will keep monitoring the Discord. I will keep telling you to pull up your pants. Because my job isn't to be your friend. My job is to make sure you survive this hormone hurricane without getting expelled, arrested, or becoming a meme yourself. I am not a perfect parent